I often can’t remember what I did the previous week / weekend before that. I’m 36, and this is how I’ve been for as long as I can remember (our high school had alternating daily class schedules, and I very often forgot if the day before was an A schedule or B schedule, as I could recall some random moments in class from the past handful of days but I couldn’t tell if one recollection was of yesterday or the day before, or the day before that — it’s all a jumble).
To expand on that: questions about travel are my Achilles heel when it comes to dating. “So, where have you been, and what did you do while there?” Well, I took a trip to Iceland with my ex-girlfriend, and I’ve been all over the place with my family, but… I don’t remember the names of the places, and I don’t remember all that much of historical sites and such. Probably doesn’t help that I’m not all that engaged with the names of places / things to start with (vs simply experiencing the thing itself), so that’s in one ear and out the other. What I do recall is conversation and feelings of connectedness, and a couple snapshots of particularly picturesque scenery. But which cities? Which museums/sites/regions? What did I do while there? No idea. I actually rehearse such scenarios before dates to avoid an awkward first impression.
I’m great at remembering how things are connected, why something is the way it is, and how things work. But I couldn’t remember individual facts (names, numbers, the chronological order of independent experiences, etc) to save my life. But most of life is made up of individual, isolated details — which then means that most of life isn’t very memorable for me.
I have very similar problems with remembering "events" that people typically like to share. I have traveled to many memorable places (for those who are able to) but my recollection in terms of details that would move a conversation forward is sparse at best. It is really frustrating to be honest. My memory problem spills into work and tech and makes me wonder if I am going to be able to employ myself for the next 20 years (as I need to) or not. The deluge of details and the constant change ... it is exhausting.
I had the same setup in school- alternating schedules- and had to keep my schedule printed out in my bag to reference between almost every class, every day. I still have dreams (nightmares?) to this day about not knowing which class I was supposed to be going to next and ending up in the wrong place without the work done.
I have to keep a list of everything in a doc of some sort or I can't remember anything I've "accomplished"... and I when I tell my coworkers that my memory resets every weekend and half of Monday is spent rediscovering what it is I'm supposed to be doing all week, they think I'm joking.
They're hard for me because the events that a lot of people consider achievements don't really stand out in my memory. Often I tend to forget they happened.
I've solved some programming problems that I considered quite mundane and unremarkable, yet others think it was some great achievement.
While it might have been hard at the time, in hindsight the events seem unremarkable and just me doing my routine duties.
> "Write about a time during your university studies in which you faced a difficult problem, and what you did to overcome it."
I guess the university example I could spin a story about how I failed a subject and had to repeat it and got high marks the second time round. The thing is I probably won't remember the event if I'm in an interview and under pressure.
When I started writing this post, I couldn't think of anything difficult that I had to overcome in my CompSci degree. It took me a while to even remember failing that subject, and in hindsight I don't have any emotional attachment to the event. It just doesn't stand out in my memory as remarkable or interesting or even difficult. I did change up my tactics the second time around and did quite well in the subject, so I have material for a story.
The problem is most of the time I don't even remember failing that subject. Even if I did remember, I'd probably dismiss it as I don't remember it being difficult.
This I am finding a problem. If you are a senior developer you are leading every day and doing senior things but it is like walking. I don't remember each step I took.
In the performance review you now need to say "On this Tuesday I needed to get from the salon to the baker so I initiated by motor neurone and walked out of the salon. This made me get there in 5 minutes which had the impact of my mum getting her cinnamon scroll" and you have to remember that happened. For those with worse memory this is an extra job. If you don't do it you get discriminated against.
"Tell me about a time when you tripped over while commuting."
"Tell me about a time when your feet touched each other during a walk."
"Tell me about a time when you were facing north-east and a bus passed in front of you." [follow-up question] "What type of bus was it? [suburban, long distance, etc] You say you saw it, so walk me by your visual experience."
If you have lived your life as a walking person, as you seem to imply by your comment, you surely have done these things multiple times, right? Failing to respond in a truthful and satisfactory manner will be counted heavily against you.
Though, as someone who's done a number of those interviews over the years, I'd replace the word truthful with manner that the interviewer regards as truthful
So I'm on the other end of the number line from the SDAM folks and I'm kind of mind blown that people don't remember when they trip, I remember at least 6 instances off the top of my head. Ditto feet touching each other - which shoes I was wearing, what the weather was like, where I was at. The bus question I would have to dig a little but I'm sure it happened at least once.
That's wild. I can remember categories of tripping. For example, I know that one of the more frequent ones involves stupid cats who don't realize that it's a bad idea to walk in front of a rapidly moving creature who outweighs them by a factor of 13. But I can't recall any specific instance of it.
I remember tripping as a child (ice cream truck...), in middle school (stairs), in high school (book bag), while getting coffee over a decade ago with coworkers (sciatica). I couldn't necessarily tell you which dates those happened on but could probably get it within a month or so.
I mean, I've definitely had all these experiences and know I have, but I couldn't tell you a single detail about anything of those moments. I've missed plenty of buses because I've had music blaring and I wasn't focused on the bus stop, but I definitely don't remember anything else about those moments other than they, at some point in history, happened to me.
I feel like fuck it going to be that frank in the interview. Or all my examples will be from the last 21 days. Do a lot of heroic stuff at work for 21 days to coincide with the interview!
Presumably for interviews - specifically STAR[0] format. And no, "just living and thinking" isn't preparing for this. Not everyone thinks in that manner.
I'd have to think for a few minutes to really come up with good examples because it's basically going over a huge number of random memories and re-categorising them into a framework that's completely different to how they're stored in my memory. This is even with me having (I believe) pretty good autobiographical memory with not really any of the deficiencies talked about in the article.
Off the top of my head without really stopping and thinking for a while I can often only come up with some boring and generic examples.
I don’t think about my life and experiences that way. It’s hard for me to just reach into my past and pick some specific instance of an arbitrary experience category in a portable story form. I have to prep, or otherwise just hope I don’t do bad enough that it damages my prospects.
I could do it really easily if I had 30 minutes to write it out. Doing it in a conversation, though? I might prefer being waterboarded. I'll remember a much better example less than an hour after the call ends, too.
I'm convinced neurotypical people just lie through their teeth in these STAR interviews. It'd be so easy to just tell them some bullshit story. It sure seems like they only want to hear some absolute bullshit.
I mean yeah, you should lie in interviews. Mind you I don't mean make up ridiculous fabrications like "I single-handedly saved the entire company from bankruptcy", more like little white lies and twisting of real truth to make for a better story. It's unfortunate that that's how it has to be done, but it's an adversarial circumstance to begin with, so I understand why people do it even if I'd prefer to not have to.
Companies absolutely will lie and cheat if they can get away with it, for example by saying their hiring budget is only X amount for the role when the recruiter knows full well the real budget is X + 20,000. They will absolutely lie about things like PTO and flexibility. So there's no reason for you not to also engage in it, because you're really only screwing yourself over if you don't. It's unfortunate, but that's the system we've built.
I’m used to embellishing things a bit, telling a more favorable story of the truth. That is categorically different from what hiring panels crave now. People used to be able to smell flagrant bullshit. Now, they don’t just fall for it. They reject everything but bullshit.
They want you to pretend like you were a cowboy coder in a regulated environment where redundancy is a requirement, not a dirty word.
I dunno if they’ve just spent too much time chatting to stochastic parrots, if we desperately need to bring back onsite interviews, or if HR is deliberately sabotaging anyone with integrity. God knows only a psychopath could work in HR and still sleep at night. But you’re right. Let them eat slop.
They're definitely quite hard for me. I bet my colleagues, friends or family could answer them for me better than I can without prep (which would involve chatting with my wife). Many of the experiences in this article resonate with me, but it's definitely not quite as extreme.
Unlike you, many of us do not have instant recall of good stories to tell from our previous experiences.
I have jobs I've spent four years at that right now I can only account for what might be 2 months of work. If I stop and think hard, I might squeeze out another 2 months of recollections.
Isn’t just living and thinking preparing for questions like this? They’re not that hard.