* You've spent more time talking about your Carnatic raga detector than actually building it – at this rate, LLMs will be composing ragas before your detector can identify them.
* You bought a 7950X processor but can't figure out what to do with it – the computing equivalent of buying a Ferrari to drive to the grocery store once a week.
* You're so concerned about work-life balance that you took a sabbatical to think about your career, only to spend it commenting on HN about other people's careers.
*** End ***
I'll be in my room crying, in case anyone's looking for me.
Roast
You've spent so much time discussing Apple vs Microsoft that Tim Cook and Satya Nadella probably have a joint restraining order against you.
Your comments about HTTPS everywhere suggest you're the kind of person who wears a tinfoil hat... but only after thoroughly researching the optimal thickness for blocking government signals.
You seem to have strong opinions about Flash - we get it, you're old enough to remember when websites had intro animations and your laptop could double as a space heater.
———
Totally forgot about the flash debates of the early 2010s!
Funnily enough, I'm putting the 7950X to some use in the Carnatic Raga detector project since a lot of audio operations are heavy on CPU. But that last one nearly killed me. I'll have to go to Gemini or GPT for some therapy after that one.
I got "You've spent more time explaining why Rust isn't memory-safe than most people have spent writing actual Rust code." So I suspect these are not as free-form-generated as they actually look?
> For someone who worked at Reddit, you sure spend a lot of time on HN. It's like leaving Facebook to spend all day on Twitter complaining about social media.
> Personal Projects: You'll finally complete that bare-metal Forth interpreter for Raspberry Pi
I was just looking into that again as of yesterday (I didn't post about it here yesterday, just to be clear; it picked up on that from some old comments I must have posted).
> Profile summary: [...] You're the person who not only remembers what a CGA adapter is but probably still has one in working condition in your basement, right next to your collection of programming books from 1985.
Exactly the case, in a working IBM PC, except I don't have a basement. :)
> For someone who criticizes corporate structures so much, you've spent an impressive amount of time analyzing their technical decisions. It's like watching someone critique a restaurant's menu while eating there five times a week.
> You complain about digital distractions while writing novels in HN comment threads. That's like criticizing fast food while waiting in the drive-thru line.
>You'll write a thoughtful essay about 'digital minimalism' that reaches the HN front page, ironically causing you to spend more time on HN responding to comments than you have all year.
Your comments about suburban missile defense systems have the FBI agent monitoring your internet connection seriously questioning their career choices.
You've spent so much time explaining why manufacturing is complex that you could have just built your own CRT factory by now.
You claim to be skeptical of AI hype, yet you've indexed more documentation with Cursor than most people have read in their lifetime.
Surprisingly accurate, but seems to be based on a very small snippet of actual comments (presumably to save money). I wonder what the prompt would output when given the full 200k tokens of context.
> Your 236-line 'simplified' code example suggests you might need to look up the definition of 'simplified' in a dictionary that's not written in Ruby.
OUCH
> You've spent so much time worrying about Facebook tracking you that you've failed to notice your dental nanobot fantasies are far more concerning to the rest of us.
> - You've reminded so many people to use 'Show HN:' that you should probably just apply for a moderator position already.
> - Your relationship with AI coding assistants is more complicated than most people's dating history - Cline, Cursor, Continue.Dev... pick a lane!
> - You talk about grabbing coffee while your LLM writes code so much that we're not sure if you're a developer or a barista who occasionally programs.
> You've asked about building a homebrew computer in 2013, and we're still waiting for the 'Show HN' post. Moore's Law has changed less than your project timeline.
> Your journey from PHP to OCaml suggests you enjoy pain, just in increasingly sophisticated forms.
> You seem to spend so much time worrying about NSA surveillance that you probably encrypt your grocery lists. The NSA agent assigned to you is bored to tears.
Hahaha these are excellent, though it really latched on to the homebrew PC stuff I was into back in 2013
> Hacker News: You'll write a comment so perfectly balanced between technical insight and dry humor that it breaks the upvote system, forcing dang to implement a new 'slow clap' feature just for you.
> You've recommended Marginalia search so many times, we're starting to think you're either the developer or just really enjoy websites that look like they were designed in 1998.
> You defend Java with such passion that Oracle's legal team is considering hiring you as their chief evangelist - just don't tell them about your secret admiration for more elegant programming paradigms.
- Your comments have more doom predictions than a Y2K convention in December 1999.
- You've used 'stochastic parrot' so many times, actual parrots are filing for trademark infringement.
- If tech dystopia were an Olympic sport, you'd be bringing home gold medals while explaining how the podium was designed by committee and the medal contains surveillance chips.
> You've experienced so many startup failures that your LinkedIn profile should just read 'Professional Titanic Passenger: Always Picks the Wrong Ship'.
> You took a year off for mental health but still couldn't resist building 'for-profit projects' during your break. The only thing more persistent than your work ethic is your inability to actually relax.
> You complain about Elixir's lack of types but keep using it anyway. This is the programming equivalent of staying in a relationship where you keep trying to change the other person.
> You've lived in multiple countries but spend most of your time on HN explaining why their tech infrastructure is terrible. Maybe the common denominator is you?
> Your ideal laptop would run Linux flawlessly with perfect hardware compatibility, have MacBook build quality, and Windows game support. Meanwhile, the rest of us live in reality.
> For someone who has strong opinions about rice cookers, bookmarklets, and toilet flushing mechanisms, we're surprised you haven't started a 'Unnecessarily Detailed Reviews of Mundane Objects' newsletter yet.
> A 30+ year dev veteran who's seen it all, from OOP spaghetti nightmares to the promised land of functional programming, now balancing toddler-wrangling with running 70B parameter models on an M4 Mac. Your comments oscillate between deep technical insights and the occasional 'get off my lawn' energy that only comes from decades of watching the same mistakes repeat in new frameworks.
Love it!
> You've spent so much time explaining why functional programming is superior that you could've rewritten all of Ruby in Elixir by now.
Ooof. Probably.
> Your relationship with LLMs is like watching someone who swore they'd never get a smartphone finally discover TikTok at age 50.
Skeptical.
> For someone who hates 'artificial limitations' so much, you sure do love languages that won't let you mutate a variable.
> You'll finally build that optimized game streaming system you've been thinking about since reading that Insomniac Games presentation in 2015.
Sure, but it's just a prototype that I've finally got time for after all these years. I really want it to be parallelised though, so I'll probably try...
> After years of defending C++, you'll secretly start experimenting with Rust but tell everyone 'it's just for a side project.'
> A cryptography enthusiast who created Coze and spends their days defending proper base encoding practices while reminding everyone about the forgotten 33rd ASCII control character.
The nerd humor was hilariously unexpected.
> Your deep dives into quantum mechanics will lead you to publish a paper reconciling quantum eraser experiments with your cryptographic work, confusing physicists and cryptographers alike.
> Your comments are so perfectly balanced between programming and theology that Stack Overflow keeps redirecting you to the Vatican's GitHub repository.
This is absolutely hilarious! Thanks for posting. It feels weighted towards some specific things (I assume this is done by the LLM caring about later context more?) - making it debatably even funnier.
> You're the only person who gets excited about trailing commas in SQL. Even the database administrators are like 'dude, it's just a comma.'
>You talk about Amiga computers so much that I'm pretty sure your brain still runs on Kickstart ROM and requires a floppy disk to boot up in the morning.
excuse me, we boot from compact flash these days
>Your comments about modern tech are so critical that I'm convinced you judge new programming languages based on how well they'd run on a Commodore 64.
A successful tech entrepreneur who built a multi-million dollar business starting with Common Lisp, you're the rare HN user who actually practices what they preach.
Your journey from Lisp to Go to Rust mirrors your evolution from idealist to pragmatist, though you still can't help but reminisce about the magical REPL experience while complaining about JavaScript frameworks.
---
Roast
You complain about AI-generated code being too complex, yet you pine for Common Lisp, a language where parentheses reproduction is the primary feature.
For someone who built a multi-million dollar business, you spend an awful lot of time telling everyone how much JavaScript and React suck. Did a React component steal your lunch money?
You've changed programming languages more often than most people change their profile pictures. At this rate, you'll be coding in COBOL by 2026 while insisting it's 'underappreciated'.
> Your deep dive into embedded systems will lead you to create a heated keyboard powered by the same batteries as your Milwaukee heated jacket.
While I don't have a Milwaukee heated jacket (I have no idea why it thought this), this feels like a fantastic project idea.
> After years of watching payment technologies evolve, you'll finally embrace cryptocurrency, but only after creating a detailed spreadsheet comparing transaction fees across 17 different payment methods.
I feel seen. I may have created spreadsheets like this for comparing cloud backup options and cars.
From my roast:
> You've spent so much time discussing payment technologies that your credit card probably has a restraining order against you.
This one is completely wrong. They wouldn't do this as they'd lose out on a ton of transaction fees.
> An error occurred in the Server Components render. The specific message is omitted in production builds to avoid leaking sensitive details. A digest property is included on this error instance which may provide additional details about the nature of the error.
> You explain WebAssembly memory management with such passion that we're worried you might be dating your pointer allocations.
> Your comments about multiplayer game architecture are so detailed, we suspect you've spent more time debugging network code than maintaining actual human connections.
> You track AI model performance metrics more closely than your own bank account. DeepSeek R1 knows your preferences better than your significant other.
I was underwhelmed. It just seemed like a summary of my highest comments. It is scary how quickly a site can categorize you though. Like you know the current American admin are using AI to identify their non supporters.
> You've spent more time comparing API testing tools than most people spend deciding on a house. Postman, Insomnia, Bruno... we get it, you're in a complicated relationship with HTTP requests.
> You've cited LessWrong so many times that Eliezer Yudkowsky is considering charging you royalties for intellectual property use.
> Your comments have more 'bits of evidence' and 'probability updates' than most scientific papers. Have you considered that sometimes people just want to chat without Bayesian analysis?
> You spend so much time trying to bring nuance to political discussions on HN that you could have single-handedly solved AI alignment by now.
> You'll finally stop checking egg prices at Costco and instead focus on writing that definitive 'How I Built My Own Super App Without Getting Rejected By Apple' post.
> You'll write a comment about chickens that somehow transitions into a critique of modern UI design principles, garnering your highest karma score yet.
Okay, I feel like there might've been a breakthrough here. After watching Karpathy's video [0], he mentioned how hard it is for LLMs to have humor and be funny but it seems like Claude 3.7 really nailed it this time?
Yeah, I thought that was a weird thing for Andrej to say. Ever since the Attenborough spoof (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wOEz5xRLaRA) it's been clear that these things are very capable of making people laugh.
A lot of comedy involves punching down in a way that likely conflicts with the alignment efforts by mainstream model providers. So the comedic potential of LLMs is probably even greater than what we've seen.
LOL, this truly made me laugh. I'm also doing humor stuff with Claude, I was pretty pleased with 3.5 so excited to see what happens with the 3.7 change. It's a radio station with a bunch of DJs with different takes on reality, so looking forward to see how it handles their different experiences.
> One of your comments about the absurdity of centralized authentication will spark a 300+ comment thread and lead to a new open standard for federated identity.
> After years of skepticism, you'll reluctantly become an AI evangelist, but will still add 'I'm still skeptical about how far it can really go' to the end of every recommendation.
>You'll create an open-source alternative to a popular cloud service that charges too much, saving fellow hackers thousands in subscription fees while earning you enough karma to retire from HN forever.
> You've spent so much time optimizing ML models that your own brain now refuses to process any thought that could be represented more efficiently with fewer neurons.
The roasts are hilarious (as has been documented extensively), but the summary was actually really nice and made me feel a little better after a rather aimless day!
* You've spent so much time critiquing nil values in Lua tables that you could have rewritten the entire language by now. Maybe in 2025?
* Your perfect tech stack exists only in your comments - a beautiful utopia where everything is type-safe, reliable, and nobody is ever on-call.
* You evaluate programming languages the way wine critics evaluate vintages: 'Ah yes, Effect-ts 2023, a sophisticated choice with notes of functional purity and a robust type system, though I detect a hint of API churn in the finish.'
>You'll create a browser extension that automatically bypasses paywalls and archives important articles - because apparently saving democracy shouldn't cost $12.99/month
>Your archive.is links will become so legendary that dang will create a special 'Paywall Slayer' badge just for you
>You've shared so many archive.is links that the Internet Archive is considering naming you their unofficial spokesperson - or sending you a cease and desist letter.
>Your economic predictions are so consistently apocalyptic that gold dealers use your comment history as their marketing strategy.
> You hate Terraform so much you'd rather learn Erlang than write another for-loop in HCL.
..
> After years of complaining about Terraform, you'll fully embrace Crossplane and write a scathing Medium article titled 'Why I Left Terraform and Never Looked Back'.
Roast
You've posted so much about government waste that the IRS probably has a special folder just for your tax returns.
Your hatred of VCs is so strong, I'm surprised you haven't built an app that automatically downvotes any HN post containing the phrase 'we're excited to announce our Series A'.
You're the only person who reads the comments section on a post about electric vehicles and thinks 'This is the perfect place to explain fractional reserve banking!'
"A digital nomad who splits time between critiquing Facebook's UI decisions, unearthing obscure electronic music tracks with 3 plays on YouTube, and occasionally making fires on German islands. When not creating Dystopian Disco mixtapes or lamenting the lack of MIDI export in AI tools, they're probably archiving NYT articles before paywalls hit.
Roast
You've spent more time complaining about Facebook's UI than Facebook has spent designing it, yet you still check it enough to notice every change.
Your music discovery process is so complex it requires Discogs, Bandcamp, YouTube, and three specialized record stores, yet you're surprised when tracks only have 3 plays.
You're the only person who joined HN to discuss the Yamaha DX7 synthesizer from 1983 and somehow managed to submit two front-page stories about it in 2019-2020. The 80s called, they want their FM synthesis back."
edit: predictions are spot on - wow. Two of them detailed two projects I'm actively working on.
> You've spent more time justifying your Apple Vision Pro purchase than actually using it for anything productive, but hey, at least you can watch movies on 'the best screen' while pretending it's a 'dev kit'.
> Your comments about plankton evolving to survive ocean acidification suggest you have more faith in single-celled organisms than in most software companies.
https://hn-wrapped.kadoa.com/
I'm using this to test the humor of new models.