I struggled with this too, and it actually got even worse when I started managing people. I also started writing people off as "amazing folks can take feedback, and not great folks who can't."
What changed my perspective was the talks and books around Radical Candor.
The basic idea is this, you need to get people into the right state of mind through genuine empathy and shared trust before they will be ready to hear feedback. Otherwise, it's human nature to become defensive and not hear it.
If it comes from someone you know and trust, then you'll hear the feedback as constructive. If it's from a stranger, or someone who you see as a rival, then you'll see it as a threat.
It can take a long time to build enough trust with people to get them into a place where you can provide constructive feedback. But it's crucial to actually getting the feedback to achieve the outcome you wan.
What changed my perspective was the talks and books around Radical Candor.
The basic idea is this, you need to get people into the right state of mind through genuine empathy and shared trust before they will be ready to hear feedback. Otherwise, it's human nature to become defensive and not hear it.
If it comes from someone you know and trust, then you'll hear the feedback as constructive. If it's from a stranger, or someone who you see as a rival, then you'll see it as a threat.
It can take a long time to build enough trust with people to get them into a place where you can provide constructive feedback. But it's crucial to actually getting the feedback to achieve the outcome you wan.