This still leaves problems:

1. Now I have to trust two providers, each of which could have problems.

2. Now I have to pay for encryption, then pay for storage, and probably have higher ingress costs, too (I can probably trust AWS/GCP/Azure/Backblaze/whatever; not sure about random-blockchain-guy #67812).

Yea but afaik, they don't address data privacy. You should only deploy code that deals with public data.